im too old for any of this. im sick of being second best. im sick of myself and im sick of living and the idea that i have to continue living is so upsetting i actually want to kill myself so as not to have to deal with anything and it's all so depressing and upsetting and i dont understand and im sick of myself and now thats just it. but im still here, ill always still be here, so dont worry, cause i will always be here working off my ass for a life i live for everyone but myself, a life i do not want. so be fucking happy.